Being ok with me!

As some of you know I love personality types.  Myers-Brigg test, DISC, Four temperaments, enneagram, etc.  I guess it's because I love people and understanding more about them.  Insights into how they think and process.  Typical strengths and opportunities.  I love it.

Recently I was introduced to the Strengths Finder book.  If you aren't familiar with it it's basically focusing on what you are good at rather than trying to change what you naturally have a harder time with.  For example: I don't like math and I'm not very good at it.  I am not going to choose a career in accounting or statistics.  I'd actually heard of this concept about 5 years ago before I moved to Redding but hadn't heard very much about it.  But Joe's department at work is now going through the book as a department and I asked if I could join in.  Our first meeting isn't until next Monday (my wonderful husband's birthday!) but we took our tests already.  Not surprising to anyone who knows me even a little my top 5 strengths are about people, communication, and connecting.  You would think this wouldn't come as a shock to me or be anything that would make me deal with anything inside me.  But it is.

I'm an outgoing person.  I like need to be around people.  So what's the problem?

I've spent the last 10 months basically not leaving my house much.  Oh, I run errands and we go to church. But if I'm being completely honest it's not enough for me.  I need more interaction than that.  But somehow I've had it in my brain that my personality type (basically who I am) is less than everyone else. So I've spent years trying to calm down my personality.  I'm not exactly sure why I have thought this, but couple it with trying to be what I thought was the perfect image of the perfect stay at home mom and I'm pretty much trying not to be who I am.  I'm working on figuring out where those thoughts and ideas came from but the bigger deal is accepting the truth.

No personality type is better than another.
Who I am naturally is GREAT!
I need to embrace who I am.

I don't have all (or many) answers to how I am going to work on this.  But it is becoming a blaring need that I have to change something.  I'll continue to share that journey as I make it

Little bit of sunshine!

Today was beautiful!  The sun was out.  I was very blessed by a friend.  My little man is starting to feel better and being more like himself.  My cousin had her baby.  I got to talk to my brother a little.  It was a wonderful day!  Nothing to profound today just some great pictures :)

Two little toothies popping out!

Jasper at 24 weeks and my new found girlie-ness coming thru.

And why go to the park (especially with climbing gas prices) when you have a front lawn area!  It took him a little while to like the grass, but he finally did and then the rest of our outside time was spent with me chasing him back onto the blanket.

Sharing my heart

I'm just going to jump back into blogging.  No intro.  Yes this is technically a new blog, but if you are reading this you either love me enough to know a little of what's going on in my life or read my other blog.

Here's the quick update.  Zeke is now 9 months old and is almost walking now!  And tomorrow I will be 24 weeks pregnant!  This pregnancy seems to b going by so much faster, probably as my mom noted because I'm chasing Zeke around.

Now to jump into the heart of what I wanted to post.

Joe and I are involved in a marriage class/group at our church called Love After Marriage (LAM).  The class started last September.  We thought "what better time to actively build and work on our marriage than when we are hitting the first big change in our relationship with having a new baby?"  It has been amazing.  And hard.  Learning how to really communicate.  How to work through conflict.  Stuff like that.

This past week during class both Joe and I realized that we weren't connecting.  Really at all.  Oh, we talked to each other and tried to spend time together (not the easiest thing to do right now with a baby, one on the way and Joe going to school and work)  But we haven't been sharing or seeking after each other's heart.  So we have been actively working on that this week.

So I shared something with my husband today that I've been thinking stressing about.
There are moments I'm completely terrified to have 2 kids.
Especially so close together.

I'm fairly certain this is probably pretty normal.  But I still wonder if I can do it.  I mean, I know I CAN do it, but I wonder if I can do it successfully.  Somedays I feel I'm barely making it as a mom with just one, how will I manage raising 2???

My husband was rather surprise at this thought stress.  He had no idea I was feeling that way.  He didn't have any answers for me, but just sharing my heart helped.  I still wonder if I'll make it, but I'm now working on not stressing over it.

There is no real conclusion for this post, except for the fact that in sharing my thoughts.... ok stresses, I feel a bit better and it's easier to release, even if I don't have any answers.