Thankfulness on poop filled days

Some days it feels like every diaper I change has poop (just got real in here).  One after the other.  And it seems like those days fall on days when nothing seems to be going my way.  I chipped a tooth last night and that stresses me out incredibly, things are still inconsistent with Joe's job, some bills are still behind, the check engine light is still on in the car.  The list cold go on and on if I let it.  It would be really easy to let it.  Really easy, I just thought of three more things I could add.  But that's not what I should, or want, to focus on.  If I focus on what's bad or not going my way, my heart turns toward that, toward unthankfulness.  Closer to bitterness and a victim mentality.  I can't focus on the lack.  It's just a downward spiral that drags me and my family down.  My family is brought down because I control the spiritual atmosphere of the house.  I control it.  Not the circumstances.

So, instead of worrying and stressing I take 10 minutes and actually have quiet time with some bible reading.  I take the extra time to journal my thoughts on the passage I just read.  I enjoy my cup of coffee.  I relish in the sight of my boys loving and wrestling each other.  I'm thankful for the morning talks I get with my mom. I look forward to ladies night tonight at our new church that I love!

And within that short time my heart has turned back to where I want it.  It's not that I'm ignoring that first list, but I'm now in a mindset that I cant deal with it.  One at a time because I can't take on everything at once.  Sometimes it's easy to focus on the good stuff, sometimes it's a fight.  But it is always worth it.

Especially since there is a good chance that next diaper I change is going to have poop in it. :)

Teething, Tears, and Grace

It's been five weeks since Jasper was born.  It would be easy to just ooh and aah over pictures

See?

But no, I actually want to write :)
Nothing really deep, just the musings of a new mom of two. And mostly just an update of the Jones family.

Jasper is actually sleeping rather well.  He, of course still wakes up at night, but already has a fairly predictable pattern.  By 8pm he is usually down for the night and wakes up between midnight and 2.  So for the most part, he is technically sleeping through the night. (5 hours is considered sleeping through the night) and wakes up 2-3 times per night.  My exhaustion comes and goes.  But overall I'm feeling really well.

I am having to learn, however, how to give my self grace.  I find myself getting frustrated (usually only at myself) that my house isn't running how I would like it.  Routines have been shot, laundry and dishes are often in a state of chaos, and if we are lucky the living room is picked by the time we go to sleep but is in a state of disarray within a half hour of Zeke being awake.  I couldn't tell you the last time I worked on a meal plan, let alone even looked at my household notebook.
And then I have to remind myself, I had a baby.  Only 5 weeks ago!  We are currently working on getting back into a normal routine, the rest will follow.  I need to give myself grace. 

The only down side is Zeke has had a little bit of a difficult time knowing what to expect.  The great thing is he loves his brother!  We are having to just help him learn to love his brother gently. :) My poor little man (Zeke) has had a rough weekend.  He's teething and we think he might be lactose intolerant.  I'll spare you the details of why we think that.  Thankfully he likes rice milk.  He is also learning boundaries and how to listen.  So some days I feel like I'm constantly saying, "That's not for Zeke" "That's not fun"  "That's an ouchie" "That's yucky" or "Please don't climb".  I try not to say no all day long, but sometimes I feel like a broken record.  There have been tears, sometimes on both our parts. 

But even with the hard days I am loving getting to be here watching my little boys grow and learn.  Even if it feels too fast

So Jasper Legend was born on 6/20 at 6:01pm (PST) He is 8lbs 1oz and 21 inches long.

My water broke on Sunday afternoon, and we headed to the hospital. I was not having strong or consistent contractions, but I was GBS positive so I needed to go right away. My midwife said that if things didn't pick up we would need to do something in the morning.  Things didn't pick up, but I did get to sleep! Much better than Zeke's delivery.  So I had to go on pitocin.  That was really scary for me because of Zeke's birth (posted as an earlier post).  I actually "started" labor around 11.  Our goal was to get me well into active labor, turn off the pitocin and see if my body would do what it's supposed to, then get into the birthing tub.  My hope was to have a natural/drug free birth, but I knew the pitocin might make that difficult for me. 

Things did progress and they turned off the pitocin and I kept having strong, consistent contractions!  But I was still in so much pain I wasn't sure if I would make it without any pain relief.
I got into the water and it wasn't helping.  Actually, it almost felt worse than when I had been standing or on the birthing ball.  The nurse checked me about 15 minutes after being in the water and I was at 8cm.  She went to go talk to my midwife, and my midwife wanted to come in check on me herself.  She came in and I said (ok, I'm pretty sure I yelled) that I felt like I needed to push.  1 contraction and pushing and I was almost in hysterics I was hurting so bad (ring of fire anyone?) My midwife got my attention and said "Your baby is right here, you can feel him, reach down you can touch his head"  I did.  I knew he was right there! next contraction he was out! 
I went from 8 cm to him being out in 10 minutes!

It was so hard and awful, and beautiful and amazing at the same time! I'm still fairly tired so if this was jumbled or didn't make sense or you feel like I missed something please tell me!

Zeke meeting Jasper for the first time

thankful

Today I am discouraged.  So is Joe.  Life is hard and we feel attacked on many fronts.

BUT
 instead of focusing on that I'm going to focus on thankfulness.

So here is a short list of things(both serious and silly) I'm thankful for!

• A Heavenly Father who really does provide all my needs
• That my husband has a job
• That my husband supports and encourages me to stay home and raise our children
• My wonderful husband and how he continues to pursue relationship with me, even when it's hard
• My boy(s).  Life is so different and wonderful with you
• My family.  Near or far we support, encourage and love each other
• My friends.  You are family.
• That my son only wakes up once a night (pending teething and sickness)
• Facebook and Pinterest
• Creativity and Crafts
• Ice cream
• Sunlight
• A very healthy pregnancy

There is, of course, so many other things I could put down.  But that's a good little list for now.

1 year

Today you are 1.  It feels like just yesterday you got here.

You are no longer tiny,

But are now becoming a big boy!

You love to walk and run around,

And are already musically inclined.

Veggie Tales are you very favorite,

you love special cuddle time with Daddy,

and bath and naked time.

 You are already a deep thinker,

 and love to be outside.

Usually you like meal time,

but are sometimes a little resistant.

And you know that animals are definitely friends.

So happy birthday my little lion!

I love you very much!

Count down begins!

We are down to 5 weeks before our new addition gets here!  And it's only 10 days till Zeke turns 1!  I can't believe how fast it's gone by.  We've really started trying to get the house ready.  Zeke's crib is now moved into the other room and we are working on getting him to sleep there the entire night.  It's a little extra difficult right now because we are dealing with a little bit of separation anxiety and he's teething, I can see 2 that are trying to cut thru right now, there may be more.

As Jasper's due date gets closer I'm getting, well, nervous.  Zeke's birth was less than ideal.  Actually if I'm honest it was horrible.  Here is the quick version.  My water broke first, at about 10pm, and when it broke my contractions stopped.  When we checked in we found out that Zeke had passed meconium.  Not a good sign.  I didn't really have any contractions all night and they wouldn't let me get up or walk around.  So at 6am I got a pitocin drip.  I didn't feel any contractions until around noon.  And even then they weren't that painful.  Well by the time 2pm hit that changed.  By 3pm I was to the point of tears.  I was at 3cm and 80% effaced, so that was encouraging. Unfortunately I spent the next 2 hours bawling and writhing in pain with each contraction.  The nurse checked me again and I had made absolutely no progress.  At that point I decided I needed help and that I needed an epidural.  Once I finally got it (which it self was an event.  The anesthesiologist ended up sticking me about 6 times before he was actually able to give me the medicine) I felt like a human again.  At 11pm it was time to start pushing.  And I pushed for 3 hours.  I was passing out between each push.  Zeke came out sideways, his face was facing my thigh and his hand was up at his face.  He was also grey and not breathing, during my labor he passed meconium 4 times, and each time it was progressively worse.  I remember being aware that he wasn't breathing but I couldn't really react because I passed out after I got him out.  I'm not really sure how long it was before they got him to breathe, but they did.  The brought him over and I got to hold him.  But they were still going to take him to the NICU because he wasn't breathing correctly and his temperature wasn't right.  Pam, Sara and Joe came over immediately and started praying for him while I held him.  Literally 1 minute later the nurse came back to take him to the NICU, she looked at him and said  "Oh.  He's breathing correctly!"  She looked at my delivery nurse and asked her to check his temp in 5 minutes and if it was normal he could stay with me.  His temp was normal!  He really is my little miracle baby.  I'm so thankful for him.

 In my head I know this birth won't be like Zeke's, but I'm still scared.  Part of me is still worried that it's going to be just as bad this time around.

Any encouragement as we get closer to the due date is very welcome :)

My Little Garden

Someday I hope to have a full vegetable garden, or at least a several raised bed.  Actually that's not entirely true.  I would love a fair amount of land and have a full garden.  And chickens.  My dear friend Katie has a beautiful ranchette that I am in love with and trying very hard not to be jealous of.  But that amount of land scares my husband a bit.  Although we do hope to own a home that has at the very least a generous backyard. But for now I do not have a back yard.  Just my little patio.  So my garden consists of this.

It may be small, but it's a start.

Ignore all the grass and weeds around.  We have this giant open field behind out apartments.  Believe it or not I had all the weeds cleared before winter.  Sigh.
Joe is going to take care of the back patio for me, since it's allergy season.  Plus we are going to turn the backyard into at least a playable area for the little lion and get him a little kiddie pool.  He loves the water and what better way to beat the Redding heat?

Behind our apartment we have a very large grass and weed covered field.  Sometimes I think about renting a roto-tiller and planting a larger garden in the field but I'm not sure if it's a good idea.