Teething, Tears, and Grace

It's been five weeks since Jasper was born.  It would be easy to just ooh and aah over pictures

See?

But no, I actually want to write :)
Nothing really deep, just the musings of a new mom of two. And mostly just an update of the Jones family.

Jasper is actually sleeping rather well.  He, of course still wakes up at night, but already has a fairly predictable pattern.  By 8pm he is usually down for the night and wakes up between midnight and 2.  So for the most part, he is technically sleeping through the night. (5 hours is considered sleeping through the night) and wakes up 2-3 times per night.  My exhaustion comes and goes.  But overall I'm feeling really well.

I am having to learn, however, how to give my self grace.  I find myself getting frustrated (usually only at myself) that my house isn't running how I would like it.  Routines have been shot, laundry and dishes are often in a state of chaos, and if we are lucky the living room is picked by the time we go to sleep but is in a state of disarray within a half hour of Zeke being awake.  I couldn't tell you the last time I worked on a meal plan, let alone even looked at my household notebook.
And then I have to remind myself, I had a baby.  Only 5 weeks ago!  We are currently working on getting back into a normal routine, the rest will follow.  I need to give myself grace. 

The only down side is Zeke has had a little bit of a difficult time knowing what to expect.  The great thing is he loves his brother!  We are having to just help him learn to love his brother gently. :) My poor little man (Zeke) has had a rough weekend.  He's teething and we think he might be lactose intolerant.  I'll spare you the details of why we think that.  Thankfully he likes rice milk.  He is also learning boundaries and how to listen.  So some days I feel like I'm constantly saying, "That's not for Zeke" "That's not fun"  "That's an ouchie" "That's yucky" or "Please don't climb".  I try not to say no all day long, but sometimes I feel like a broken record.  There have been tears, sometimes on both our parts. 

But even with the hard days I am loving getting to be here watching my little boys grow and learn.  Even if it feels too fast

So Jasper Legend was born on 6/20 at 6:01pm (PST) He is 8lbs 1oz and 21 inches long.

My water broke on Sunday afternoon, and we headed to the hospital. I was not having strong or consistent contractions, but I was GBS positive so I needed to go right away. My midwife said that if things didn't pick up we would need to do something in the morning.  Things didn't pick up, but I did get to sleep! Much better than Zeke's delivery.  So I had to go on pitocin.  That was really scary for me because of Zeke's birth (posted as an earlier post).  I actually "started" labor around 11.  Our goal was to get me well into active labor, turn off the pitocin and see if my body would do what it's supposed to, then get into the birthing tub.  My hope was to have a natural/drug free birth, but I knew the pitocin might make that difficult for me. 

Things did progress and they turned off the pitocin and I kept having strong, consistent contractions!  But I was still in so much pain I wasn't sure if I would make it without any pain relief.
I got into the water and it wasn't helping.  Actually, it almost felt worse than when I had been standing or on the birthing ball.  The nurse checked me about 15 minutes after being in the water and I was at 8cm.  She went to go talk to my midwife, and my midwife wanted to come in check on me herself.  She came in and I said (ok, I'm pretty sure I yelled) that I felt like I needed to push.  1 contraction and pushing and I was almost in hysterics I was hurting so bad (ring of fire anyone?) My midwife got my attention and said "Your baby is right here, you can feel him, reach down you can touch his head"  I did.  I knew he was right there! next contraction he was out! 
I went from 8 cm to him being out in 10 minutes!

It was so hard and awful, and beautiful and amazing at the same time! I'm still fairly tired so if this was jumbled or didn't make sense or you feel like I missed something please tell me!

Zeke meeting Jasper for the first time

thankful

Today I am discouraged.  So is Joe.  Life is hard and we feel attacked on many fronts.

BUT
 instead of focusing on that I'm going to focus on thankfulness.

So here is a short list of things(both serious and silly) I'm thankful for!

• A Heavenly Father who really does provide all my needs
• That my husband has a job
• That my husband supports and encourages me to stay home and raise our children
• My wonderful husband and how he continues to pursue relationship with me, even when it's hard
• My boy(s).  Life is so different and wonderful with you
• My family.  Near or far we support, encourage and love each other
• My friends.  You are family.
• That my son only wakes up once a night (pending teething and sickness)
• Facebook and Pinterest
• Creativity and Crafts
• Ice cream
• Sunlight
• A very healthy pregnancy

There is, of course, so many other things I could put down.  But that's a good little list for now.

1 year

Today you are 1.  It feels like just yesterday you got here.

You are no longer tiny,

But are now becoming a big boy!

You love to walk and run around,

And are already musically inclined.

Veggie Tales are you very favorite,

you love special cuddle time with Daddy,

and bath and naked time.

 You are already a deep thinker,

 and love to be outside.

Usually you like meal time,

but are sometimes a little resistant.

And you know that animals are definitely friends.

So happy birthday my little lion!

I love you very much!

Count down begins!

We are down to 5 weeks before our new addition gets here!  And it's only 10 days till Zeke turns 1!  I can't believe how fast it's gone by.  We've really started trying to get the house ready.  Zeke's crib is now moved into the other room and we are working on getting him to sleep there the entire night.  It's a little extra difficult right now because we are dealing with a little bit of separation anxiety and he's teething, I can see 2 that are trying to cut thru right now, there may be more.

As Jasper's due date gets closer I'm getting, well, nervous.  Zeke's birth was less than ideal.  Actually if I'm honest it was horrible.  Here is the quick version.  My water broke first, at about 10pm, and when it broke my contractions stopped.  When we checked in we found out that Zeke had passed meconium.  Not a good sign.  I didn't really have any contractions all night and they wouldn't let me get up or walk around.  So at 6am I got a pitocin drip.  I didn't feel any contractions until around noon.  And even then they weren't that painful.  Well by the time 2pm hit that changed.  By 3pm I was to the point of tears.  I was at 3cm and 80% effaced, so that was encouraging. Unfortunately I spent the next 2 hours bawling and writhing in pain with each contraction.  The nurse checked me again and I had made absolutely no progress.  At that point I decided I needed help and that I needed an epidural.  Once I finally got it (which it self was an event.  The anesthesiologist ended up sticking me about 6 times before he was actually able to give me the medicine) I felt like a human again.  At 11pm it was time to start pushing.  And I pushed for 3 hours.  I was passing out between each push.  Zeke came out sideways, his face was facing my thigh and his hand was up at his face.  He was also grey and not breathing, during my labor he passed meconium 4 times, and each time it was progressively worse.  I remember being aware that he wasn't breathing but I couldn't really react because I passed out after I got him out.  I'm not really sure how long it was before they got him to breathe, but they did.  The brought him over and I got to hold him.  But they were still going to take him to the NICU because he wasn't breathing correctly and his temperature wasn't right.  Pam, Sara and Joe came over immediately and started praying for him while I held him.  Literally 1 minute later the nurse came back to take him to the NICU, she looked at him and said  "Oh.  He's breathing correctly!"  She looked at my delivery nurse and asked her to check his temp in 5 minutes and if it was normal he could stay with me.  His temp was normal!  He really is my little miracle baby.  I'm so thankful for him.

 In my head I know this birth won't be like Zeke's, but I'm still scared.  Part of me is still worried that it's going to be just as bad this time around.

Any encouragement as we get closer to the due date is very welcome :)

My Little Garden

Someday I hope to have a full vegetable garden, or at least a several raised bed.  Actually that's not entirely true.  I would love a fair amount of land and have a full garden.  And chickens.  My dear friend Katie has a beautiful ranchette that I am in love with and trying very hard not to be jealous of.  But that amount of land scares my husband a bit.  Although we do hope to own a home that has at the very least a generous backyard. But for now I do not have a back yard.  Just my little patio.  So my garden consists of this.

It may be small, but it's a start.

Ignore all the grass and weeds around.  We have this giant open field behind out apartments.  Believe it or not I had all the weeds cleared before winter.  Sigh.
Joe is going to take care of the back patio for me, since it's allergy season.  Plus we are going to turn the backyard into at least a playable area for the little lion and get him a little kiddie pool.  He loves the water and what better way to beat the Redding heat?

Behind our apartment we have a very large grass and weed covered field.  Sometimes I think about renting a roto-tiller and planting a larger garden in the field but I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

The notebook!

My first inspiration for organizing my home would be my amazing friend Gina.  She's such an amazing friend! And is my role model in so many areas!  When I grow up I want to be like her :)  Two years ago I had the wonderful pleasure of visiting her home and getting to see her notebook in person.  I love anything that has to do with organizing and her notebook seriously inspired me.  So I slowly started creating my own notebook but not very seriously.  But now with an (almost) 1 year old and another baby soon to be here I've felt the need to really get my home organized.  I tried finding a "mom planner" that was already made but couldn't find anything quite like I wanted.  Nothing about my notebook is very original.  I've just scoured the internet looking for what I could adjust to fit our family.  Because my husband is a designer I have, of course, adjusted all the forms I've found.  And because of him I see all the little imperfection in my forms, but it's good enough for me to work with and even share, because unless you are a design nerd you won't even see the flaws :)

First credit where credit is due
flylady.net -  For me all the emails are overwhelming.  But the principles are fabulous! Daily routines, cleaning zones, encouragement, and baby steps for how to create the  "Control Journal" (aka home notebook).  What more could you ask for?
life.yourway.net - I am seriously in love with this website right now!  It's a set of blogs about life.  One of the blogs is about organizing.  They have free forms to use in your notebook.  You can download the one at a time for free.  Or pay $7 to download all the forms they've made, plus you'll get email updates when they add more.  I ended up looking at all of their site and downloaded them one at a time.  But if I had to do it all over again I probably would have spent that $7 just for the ease of having all the forms in one spot instead of hunting them down.  And they are GREAT forms!

Last disclaimer - I haven't finished all the forms so I don't have pictures of all of them and I'm not sure that everything is going to stay in this order.  As I use this I may rearrange or add new forms.

Now! The binder!

The first page will be our Family Mission Statement (currently being written)
Section 1 - Personal
Prayer List, Journal, and Personal, Marriage, Parenting, and Family Goals
Prayer List:

The journal is just a lined paged for any prayers or other things.

I haven't finished the goals forms yet.

Section 2 - Calendar

Weekly Overview, Daily Routines, Monthly Calendar, Monthly To-do, Remaining Months, Overview of Birthdays/Anniversaries

Weekly Overview:

I have a place for any apointments that week, then the weekly meal plan.  I only left space for 3 breakfasts and lunches because I figured I'd repeat those.  And only 5 dinners because we do leftovers about twice a week. Grocery list and the week's to do list.

Daily Routines:

I just printed the morning, afternoon, and before bed routines (personalized) from The Flylady's site.

Monthly Calendar:

Just your basic calendar.  All sorts of places you can get them.  Last year I bought a cheap year calendar at the dollar store.  This time I printed my own.  The calendar I used was from organizing.yourway.net  but I know that Word has a calendar template you could print off too.

Monthly To-do List:

Again, from organizing.yourway.net

Birthday/Anniversary Overview

organizing.yourway.net

Section 3 - Food
Monthly Meal Plan, List of Go-to Meals, List of Pantry Staples
Meal Plan:  I try to meal plan for the month.  Usually it ends up being about 2 weeks at a time.  But I just use a normal calendar page.  Hopefully Zeke will start eating table food soon (a whole different post on that struggle) and I'll start really planning lunches.
List of Go-to Meals & Pantry Staples:  Exactly what it sounds like.  The list of meals is to help me meal plan and the pantry staples are for when I go brain dead before grocery shopping, or if, for some reason, I won't be able to make the grocery list and go shopping Joe has a reference point.

Section 4 - Household
Basic Weekly Cleaning/Errands Schedule, Detailed Cleaning List, Vehicle Maintenance Log
Weekly Schedule & Cleaning List: Personalized from The Fly Lady's list and zones
Vehicle Maintenance Log:  I told Joe he is responsible for making that form since I'm not 100% on everything that should be on there.  I want it to be a form that will help both of us keep track of what needs to be done and when.

Section 5 - Finance
Monthly Budget, Basic Budget, Needs and Wants List
Budgets:  We use Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace budget forms (if you haven't heard of Dave Ramsey or FPU please ask me about it!  It seriously changed our mindset on money, savings, budget, etc.  We gained so many tools for personal finance!)  I have a monthly budget and a basic budget because well each months needs are different and if I have a basic budget to work off of it makes creating the current months budget much easier.
Needs and Wants List:

To list what each of us needs or wants from small to big.  That way I can budget them in and not forget that when my husband says "Hey I'm going to need a new pair of jeans for work soon" to budget it in the next check :)  I made a page for the kids and the general household needs and wants too.

Section 6 - Lists
Gift Ideas, Handmade Gift Ideas, Date Night Ideas, Household Project Ideas

Gift & Handmade Gift Ideas:  I am constantly finding and thinking of things for people.  I'm a gifts love language in both giving and receiving.  But I often think of things and then forget them (Mommy and pregnancy brain) organizing.yourway.net already had these forms made! I was so happy :)

Date Night Ideas:  Here's a bit of honesty.  My husband is still learning to be romantic (he's very open about that so it's ok that I'm sharing that.  This form is to help him in planning dates for us. :)

Household Projects Ideas: Basic a place for me to put my decorating ideas.  I'm constantly finding ideas, mostly online, so this page is only filled 1/2 way so I can put pictures, color swatches, etc on it.

Section 7 - Phone and Address Book
I'm constantly asking for peoples addresses over and over again.  This section is the only thing that is store bought because I wanted the tabs for the letters.  I went to office max to look at tabs (which are expensive for what they are in my opinion!) and bought Day Runners phone book tabs.  It cost me $10 and has 12 tabs.  All the other tabs I was looking at were close to the same price for 5-8 tabs.  So I bought the pre-made ones

Section 8 - Holiday
Will be my holiday planner.  Again, organizing.yourway.net has some great holiday planners and once we get closer I will be using them.  But for now they are sitting in a folder on Joe's computer.

And there you have it!  I used a 3 ring binder I already had and it had 5 section dividers.  So the cost of my notebook was $10 plus the amount of ink and paper I used to print these pages.  Not bad and still cheaper and way more detailed than a store-bought planner.

Let me know if you have any questions or even ideas to improve my binder!

Being ok with me!

As some of you know I love personality types.  Myers-Brigg test, DISC, Four temperaments, enneagram, etc.  I guess it's because I love people and understanding more about them.  Insights into how they think and process.  Typical strengths and opportunities.  I love it.

Recently I was introduced to the Strengths Finder book.  If you aren't familiar with it it's basically focusing on what you are good at rather than trying to change what you naturally have a harder time with.  For example: I don't like math and I'm not very good at it.  I am not going to choose a career in accounting or statistics.  I'd actually heard of this concept about 5 years ago before I moved to Redding but hadn't heard very much about it.  But Joe's department at work is now going through the book as a department and I asked if I could join in.  Our first meeting isn't until next Monday (my wonderful husband's birthday!) but we took our tests already.  Not surprising to anyone who knows me even a little my top 5 strengths are about people, communication, and connecting.  You would think this wouldn't come as a shock to me or be anything that would make me deal with anything inside me.  But it is.

I'm an outgoing person.  I like need to be around people.  So what's the problem?

I've spent the last 10 months basically not leaving my house much.  Oh, I run errands and we go to church. But if I'm being completely honest it's not enough for me.  I need more interaction than that.  But somehow I've had it in my brain that my personality type (basically who I am) is less than everyone else. So I've spent years trying to calm down my personality.  I'm not exactly sure why I have thought this, but couple it with trying to be what I thought was the perfect image of the perfect stay at home mom and I'm pretty much trying not to be who I am.  I'm working on figuring out where those thoughts and ideas came from but the bigger deal is accepting the truth.

No personality type is better than another.
Who I am naturally is GREAT!
I need to embrace who I am.

I don't have all (or many) answers to how I am going to work on this.  But it is becoming a blaring need that I have to change something.  I'll continue to share that journey as I make it

Little bit of sunshine!

Today was beautiful!  The sun was out.  I was very blessed by a friend.  My little man is starting to feel better and being more like himself.  My cousin had her baby.  I got to talk to my brother a little.  It was a wonderful day!  Nothing to profound today just some great pictures :)

Two little toothies popping out!

Jasper at 24 weeks and my new found girlie-ness coming thru.

And why go to the park (especially with climbing gas prices) when you have a front lawn area!  It took him a little while to like the grass, but he finally did and then the rest of our outside time was spent with me chasing him back onto the blanket.

Sharing my heart

I'm just going to jump back into blogging.  No intro.  Yes this is technically a new blog, but if you are reading this you either love me enough to know a little of what's going on in my life or read my other blog.

Here's the quick update.  Zeke is now 9 months old and is almost walking now!  And tomorrow I will be 24 weeks pregnant!  This pregnancy seems to b going by so much faster, probably as my mom noted because I'm chasing Zeke around.

Now to jump into the heart of what I wanted to post.

Joe and I are involved in a marriage class/group at our church called Love After Marriage (LAM).  The class started last September.  We thought "what better time to actively build and work on our marriage than when we are hitting the first big change in our relationship with having a new baby?"  It has been amazing.  And hard.  Learning how to really communicate.  How to work through conflict.  Stuff like that.

This past week during class both Joe and I realized that we weren't connecting.  Really at all.  Oh, we talked to each other and tried to spend time together (not the easiest thing to do right now with a baby, one on the way and Joe going to school and work)  But we haven't been sharing or seeking after each other's heart.  So we have been actively working on that this week.

So I shared something with my husband today that I've been thinking stressing about.
There are moments I'm completely terrified to have 2 kids.
Especially so close together.

I'm fairly certain this is probably pretty normal.  But I still wonder if I can do it.  I mean, I know I CAN do it, but I wonder if I can do it successfully.  Somedays I feel I'm barely making it as a mom with just one, how will I manage raising 2???

My husband was rather surprise at this thought stress.  He had no idea I was feeling that way.  He didn't have any answers for me, but just sharing my heart helped.  I still wonder if I'll make it, but I'm now working on not stressing over it.

There is no real conclusion for this post, except for the fact that in sharing my thoughts.... ok stresses, I feel a bit better and it's easier to release, even if I don't have any answers.